Celebration, Contemplation and Calm :)

Hi everyone,

For those of you who make it to read this, I must first start off by apologizing for being remiss in my upkeep of this blog and the transfer of information to you all. There came a point around the time of my Marathon (which I finished and did relatively well with) that I began to feel as though I had to keep quiet and the first casualty of that was this blog.

Let me explain in the most appropriate way I can.

Mom’s breast cancer and the consequent battle was hard for me to transcribe. I am not sure if I can explain it accurately, but the meaning of cancer gets lost when it feels like it’s really about appointments and the drugs that enter the system. The overall intensity of “cancer” is lessened by the enormity of the side effects. At least that was my experience of it 4oo miles away from mom.
At any rate, as many of you know, some other life circumstances began to take shape and my own sense of reality had become less ………real. Kevin and I ended our 10 year relationship, I got very sick with digestive problems, shingles, and just this month had pretty intensive knee surgery. Things, and life, seem to be stabilizing and I have felt like it was time to update this.

I am happy to report that mom has completed the biggest part of her chemo. She will have chemo for another 6 months for a total of one year of treatment, but this last part is a drug called Herceptin and it’s side effects are minimal as compared to the one’s she has weathered to this point. She will also start her radiation treatment everyday for 6 weeks. The very good news is that she was approved for Social Security Disability. It won’t start for another month or two, but those of you who know what the application process is for this and the difficulty in getting it, you know that this is an enormous feat in and of itself.

All of which is to say, that she could not have made it thru with such ease without all of the support and donation you all provided. I can’t tell you what a difference it made for mom and for me. She has been begging me to update this and to thank everyone, and I feel like if she could call each of you everyday she would.


Without question the past 7 months have been filled with some of the toughest days mom or I have ever lived. I can’t tell you that I’ve garnered the meaning behind it all just yet, I suspect someday I will.

What I can say without certainty is that I am grateful for all I have.

I am grateful for mom being ok and having gotten amazing treatment.
I am grateful for all the love, care and emotion that was relayed to me in my journey.
I am grateful for all the love mom was given, from those of you who know her and for those of you who have never laid eyes on her.

Below is from Nanette. Enjoy and thank you so much for all you’ve done.

http://secure.smilebox.com/ecom/openTheBox?sendevent=4d6a4d7a4d6a55304d6a4e384d5463794e5459334d6a633d0d0a&sb=1

xoxoxoxox
Nate and Nanette :)

Snow Flurries in Chazy !!!

Hello there folks.

So I have avoided writing this for a few days because I've not wanted to deal with it. A month or so, a smart fella told me that I should be careful tying my race to my raising some dollars for mom. I thought about it for a few days and contemplated a lot of what he was saying to me. Because it did feel a little odd to ask friends and family for such favors and help. At the same time it was clear to me that it was one of the only things I could do to help out, to feel like I was fighting this sickness the only way I could at this point. In the past week or so I have gone up and done with regret and just saying.....well saying "screw it, I did the right thing"

Specifically, I am not so sure about my ability to complete the marathon due to an injury. About 4 weeks ago I completed 18 miles with no problem. Honest, I felt GREAT !

Then two weeks later I did a 20 miler, and felt fabulous in many ways, but as some may know, the last four miles were super painful because of a stabbing pain in my left knee.

Fast forward to this past weekend, I was supposed to complete my final long run of 20 miles. I was only able to go 6 before stopping and walking home. Kevin came to pick me up, Darryl and Gary finished the 20 miles and I sat at home feeling defeated and foolish.
The weeks between the first 20 miler and the second I started Physical Therapy and had some xrays.

It's your basic IT Band issues. I am rehabbing it, getting sports massages to break up the scar tissue and stretching till i can't anymore. I thought this weekend I would be ok, but I wasn't.

I am not giving up, but all of a sudden this became a mental game that I feel illl prepared to tackle. My training has basically stopped, as the prescribed therapy for this thing also involves not running at all.

I am also sorry to those who I asked for help with the fundraising, as I based it on something that had the risk of incompletion. I will definitely be able to finish the 13 miles if I have to run it was a bottle of Vicodin in my hand, but MY GOAL IS STILL TO PUSH THRU TO THE FULL MARATHON. I may have to re evaluate finish times, and be ok with walking a bit.
But I will try. I promise.


IN OTHER POSITIVE NEWS:
Mom got her second chemo yesterday, and is feeling pretty good. The first round was HORRIBLE. She ended up going to the hospital because she was so sick, but I think they gave better meds this time, and that she is learning to eat more small things throughout the day.
I am going up to see her this week, and will stay for a week, Lake Placid on Friday for lunch and also a Sports Massage, where they specialize in IT Band issues !!!!
Whiteface here we come.

Thanks everyone.

Save some face

So. Hi there everyone. I just wanted to shout out today. Nothing special but to let you know whats going on.

Mom started her Chemo on Monday. The first night was super rough, from what I can tell. She didn't get much sleep and got pretty sick a few times. But as the day went on yesterday, she sounded like she felt better.
I can't even begin to understand what it must feel like, the chemo, so I won't pretend.

Anyway, I am taking this week off from running, and likely next week too. We ran the 20 miles on Saturday and my knee is in pain still. I am going to see the Bone and Joint Folks here at Cooper tomorrow morning. Basically to come up with a plan. I feel super confident that I will do this with no problems. The 20 miler itself was fine.....all except the pain in my knee, but endurance is there and I am ready. I am going to ask about cortisone shots for the actual race, and see what else they recommend.

Anyway, thank you all again for checking in here and seeing whats going on. I will let you know what I know and we'll go from there.

One treatment down :)

All These Things That I've Done

Good Morning everyone. Hope all is well for anyone reading this and hope that your finding this cool weather to be a nice thing....I love it, and don't want it to get much colder. Ok ??

So this effort has produced close to $2000 in just a few weeks. FOR REALZ !!!!!!!

Some folks who've donated are my good close friends, some I haven't seen in forever and some I don't even know.

This week, for me, not for mom, has been very emotional. I basically cry at any old thing. Last night I went to see the movie "Never Let Me Go" by myself (something I love to do) and on the way home I had to pull over for a second because I was hysterically crying. I then realized that I had not really done that yet, only little spouts, and this week a significant leak started, and then....last night JACKPOT *******

Mom gets her Port put in today and starts Chemotherapy on Monday. It is, all of a sudden for me, very very real. And scares the shit out of me to be honest.

The amount of support and the way in which everyone can help me to normalize this process as being one that people are mostly successful at, helps me so so much. The thoughts that went through my head this week were somewhat paralyzing, but I can see how this is one big ugly roller coaster !!!

Thank you all again.

On the running side of things. This week has also been tough in that respect. Last week was a rest week, so I only had to run 13 miles on Saturday in order to prepare for 20 miles tomorrow. On the rest run, I began to feel some significant knee pain halfway into it. As it turns out its Runners Knee, or an IT Band issue. So this week I rested, stretched, iced it and tried to run on Wednesday for 8 miles. I got to 6 and the knee started to hurt, so i stopped. As for tomorrow. I am going to give it a shot. At this point.

Will keep you informed. It could also be that I need new sneakers, the experts say you have to trade them in and get new ones once you've put 350-400 miles on them......I have gone past that, so it could be a big part of it.

Love to all, and thank you again and again and again.

Hair

For my whole life, I mean - MY WHOLE LIFE.....even when I was in the womb, my momma has had long long hair. It's one of those things about my mom that I will always - always relate to her.

Well, last week she went and got it cut. For the first time it is short. Here she is with it cut !!!!

The general feeling is that it LOOKS GREAT ! I have to agree. It really looks wonderful.

Anyway - we are coming up on two weeks of this site being here, and all of you donating and sending love and support our way. The end of the week I will put a total up and perhaps a goal. People said that setting a goal might be important, but I've been unable to really tune into setting a goal because I think I've been focused on acceptance and dealing with how very surreal this all feels.

I have observed a lot of differing responses when I talk to people about what is going on, all of it is always supportive. The thing with Breast Cancer though is that everyone has a story, everyone has their own loved one, friend or family member who has been touched by this.

And then you add the broader identification of Cancer and how different kinds of cancer touch everyone, it's overwhelming. It really blows my mind when I stop and think about it, mostly because I am sharing with everyone some very scary crap - which in turn opens a dialogue with others about what they have been through. I have heard some very sad things, some very beautiful things, and many many things that just make me shake me head in disbelief.

It's true that we are all super resilient, it is also true that we all draw inspiration from many different places.......I can tell you that I am still trying to sort through what it all means, but the inspiration and support I"ve gotten here, in emails, and in private conversations take. My. Breath. Away !!!

Between Two Lungs

Good Morning Everyone !!

I wanted to update today because I feel like a lot has happened very quickly.
The most important thing at this point is to let you know how much the fundraising effort has turned out so far.

In less than a week you all have donated close to $1,400. I cannot believe this and have no way of showing anything but gratitude through words and continued thanks to each and every one of you. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.

On to Mom. She went to the oncologist yesterday and got some tough news. I won't get into too much of it right now, because I have to wrap my head around what is happening, but mom has a long road ahead of her. They found that she is positive for HER2 Breast Cancer. Here is a little bit about what that means:


"What is HER2?

HER2+ Breast Cancer
Studies show that approximately 25% of breast cancer patients have tumors that are HER2+. HER2 stands for Human Epidermal growth factor Receptor 2. It is very important to find out your cancer's HER2 status. This is because HER2+ tumors tend to grow and spread more quickly than tumors that are not HER2+. In addition, the treatment of HER2+ breast cancer is different than the treatment of breast cancer that is not HER2+. "


So basically the tumor was found to be aggressive, therefore mom has to undergo very aggressive treatment.

More on that later I guess, but i know that with my support and your support Nanette will take each day step by step and look forward to beating the shit out of this horrible horrible invader !!!!

Lastly - a partial quote from Laura today that made me Laugh Out Loud and smile a whole bunch !!!!
"
Good luck with the Marathon…that is going to be a big accomplishment and very rewarding…you and your Mama sound like you are both “Strong like Bull”! Both of you will kick ass. I am sure your Mama is very proud of you! WE love you! "

Thanks Laura, and thank you everyone !!!

What a Day

So. Today is just amazing isn't it ? Perfect weather and perfect mood to go with it.

Yesterday I ran with my friends Gary and Darryl. We did 18 miles and it was pretty easy to get done. Don't get me wrong, my hips, knee and feet are feeling a bit rough.

As for the fundraising. I can't tell you how amazing it is. I thank you for donating what you have, and really have no way to express how much it means. I hope you all know that. I will update later today with some figures !!!!

Cheers everyone. Enjoy the day and I check in later :)